Children are a Blessing

Today has been one of those days.  I know every mother of young children has "those days."  The days when you want to pull every single hair from your head and run away forever.  I find myself wondering if I will miss these days when my children are older and we are dealing with new issues.

Today Ethan threw an absolute tantrum in Party City.  So while I held a squirmy baby, because he refuses to ride in the buggy, and pushed a cart-full of 1st birthday supplies around the store, Ethan's behavior quickly escalated.  I finally got to the check out counter and thought the worst was over...ha. When I told him he could not have a balloon, he absolutely lost it, like a heap on the floor kicking and screaming.  I mean, he's 3 1/2, the terrible two's are supposed to be over right?! He refuses to leave the store and I have a baby in one arm and a bag of party supplies in another, I felt completely helpless.  Then the clerk in the store says...here I'll get him a balloon, I hate to see babies cry!  I was thinking, "he is not a baby, he is a 40 lb out of control toddler!"  So with a free balloon in tow, we finally made it to the car.      

I'll be honest, when we got to the car I wanted to beat the living daylights out of the child (I didn't).  At the same time, I just wanted to cry and give up.  That was just the beginning.  We went to the park to waste a little time before meeting Scott for lunch.  Of course when we leave, another monster tantrum was thrown and I was left dragging Ethan by the arm kicking and screaming to the car, while trying to hold Levi and push a stroller.  I wasn't the only mother there doing this, so it was good to have company.

We've been talking at Wed. night church in our class about parenting, so it's been on my mind a lot lately.  Like when we left the park, I just wanted to spank Ethan, but I was angry.  I was angry, but he needed a spanking; this kind of behavior is unacceptable.  How do I punish him and show him that I am punishing him out of love and not anger? I don't want him to be afraid of me, or be afraid of making me angry or irritating me.  I want him to obey me because he respects the authority God has given me as a parent, and to know that I have his best interests in mind.  How do you explain this to a three year old? I tried, probably not successfully, but he was punished and even apoligized for his behavior.  I just try to remember how many times I'm sure I have acted like Ethan, kicking and screaming selfishly when God does not grant my self-centered requests. How many times has he picked me up off the floor after a "tantrum" and loved on me and forgiven me?  

I am not a perfect parent, and I do not have perfect children.  I, in fact, have very strong willed children.  I admire the fact that they are strong willed.  I pray that they will use that for good and Godly purposes later in life, and I pray that God will give Scott and I the courage and patience to train, discipline, and love them while they are growing and maturing.  It is such an incredible blessing to have children.  After days like today, I just have to remember that.  We as parents are responsible for shaping these little souls, pointing them to Jesus in everything we do -- What an incredible yet absolutely terrifying responsibility.

 So while my children are napping, finally, I am taking a minute to review my day.  How can I be a better parent on these days when all I want to do is give up.  I love my children, and would not trade staying home with them for anything.  These times are hard, but I hope that one day they will pay off.  I pray our boys grow up to be Godly men, husbands, and fathers.